Sat Down
It happened again.
I sat down. And I couldn’t get up.
Well, let’s be honest. Of course, I could get up. I’m not physically incapable of getting back up.
However, there’s a difference between being physically capable and feeling emotionally immobilized.
Suddenly, it was just all too much. The weight of the world, the suffering of so many, the injustice, the anger, the exclusion, the loneliness of too many people, the dread, the self-righteousness, pain….so much pain….
And, with all of that coming up to the surface, the Tsunami of Sadness found its way in. Like a huge surfer’s-dream wave, it rises up behind me — or, on occasion, in front of me — and envelops me.
And I cannot move.
There are things to do. I need to drink some water. Dishes need washing. Work needs to be completed. Reading needs to be done. Correspondence calls out to me to be answered.
And I sit. I am still sitting. How is that possible? I was sure I got up….
People — you know, “people” — ask me, “What is it like to live with depression? I mean, you seem so happy. You’re always so Grateful for everything. What is it like for you, really, to live with depression?”
It’s like this:
Accomplishing tasks.
Praising myself for adulting.
Feeling something shift.
Sitting down.
Wondering if, when, and how I will ever stand up again.
I know I will.
I just need to be patient.
And remind myself: You have always gotten up before.
Just give it another moment….
